I walk outside into the July evening. During the day, the air feels like a warm bath. This evening, a light breeze cleanses the atmosphere, and the linden tree's small leaves flutter hopefully. The sky is pink and gray as the sun sets. My 3 year old asks me to pick him up and I lift his chubby, healthy body into my arms. He is the essence of a little boy: freckles, pudgy, kissable cheeks, earnest hazel eyes, and an interest in every bug. He shows me ants and beetles. Today we discovered the barn swallows had hatched and were fledging, providing countless trips to the barn to check on the babies.
My jaw hurts from the quiet habit grinding my teeth. I feel constantly clenched up, in fight or flight mode. The past few months have taken a toll. My hair is graying faster than before. In the past week we have realized that I will certainly need to work an evening job to make ends meet. Things may get better at my husband's current new job, but the promise is unsure and slow and even the best case scenario is a huge pay cut from where we were at. We've been scrambling to sell things for cash. Cancelled tv and the pool membership. These are "first-world problems," easy to let go of. But I'm worried about getting school supplies and uniforms and, obviously, tuition payments. If we had known 4 months ago that things would still be this dire in July, we would not have enrolled them.
I remember over a decade ago, another couple talking about how unfair things are for the middle class; how hard we have to work to squeak by. They are and were a very liberal couple, and long ago our paths naturally parted. At the time, I thought they were just whining. I thought if we paid off our debt, said no to extras, and paid attention, we'd move up a bit over time. It's discouraging to have done those things- not always perfectly- and to be sinking down. Now, we did decide to have 4 kids and one parent at home. But even 20 years ago (maybe 10?) this was sustainable. It's not anymore.
I won't blame any politician. This has been a long-time coming I imagine. And lots of people in the middle class are still doing great, somehow. It boggles my mind, but lots of kids go to camp and amusement parks and vacation and show up to school in the fall in brand new clothes. My kids don't need that. But it would be nice to pay our bills. So I will say one thing: this is Biden's America. He is the president. The 4 years under orange man bad, things went well for us. Correlation does not equal causation. But it's just an observation. The thing is, if people were struggling under Trump, they would have howled from the rooftops about how terrible life is. Now we have an ancient, mentally-declining, corrupt old man in office and everything stinks but no one peeps. I suppose this is my "peep."
Politicians will come and go and I put no trust in them. Perhaps things will get better in our corner here. Today I will play with my son and enjoy the rain.
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